Undeserved Mercy

Originally, the title was going to have a bunch of question marks after it, but then I realized that all mercy is undeserved, so really the title is redundant to begin with, but enough on that; I'll come back to it.

I was pulling out of a parking lot during the busy time of day after getting dinner at a restaurant. I waved at a couple of pedestrians to cross before I rolled onto the street. One of them waved me down, and I rolled down the car window to give directions (or so I hoped). Nope. He held up a pair of socks and a bunch of stickers of some kind (the packages were black). He explained that he was out selling stickers with her (his head tilted back to indicate the woman standing behind him). They were hard up on money and he had health problems and this guy had given him a pair of socks because his feet were blistered and he couldn't afford socks and they were hungry and they were already selling stuff on the street illegally and their down-trodden looks told the rest of the story. I'm guessing they weren't homeless, but they could have been (no shopping cart filled with their possessions was in sight).

I said I didn't have cash (I never have cash; I just use my credit/debit card). He said that they took debit and credit cards (first warning bell went off in my head, well, OK, it was first and a half; the half was the long rambling story about the stickers and health problems, etc.). Yeah, I'm not stupid, well, not really. So I said I'd buy them dinner.

I backed my car up and pulled into the parking lot of a pizza place. We went in and up to the counter to order. He asked me what they could get, and I decided to test them a little. I said, "You get what you need." My thinking was, well, if they really were jobless, homeless, etc., this might be the only square meal they get all day or week, and I still wondered if they were being honest (is it bad of me to be suspicious? perhaps I am always suspicious of beggars because I would die first rather than beg, but that may just be me). I thought I'd see how far he would take advantage of me. So the guy orders and orders and before I knew it he'd ordered food totaling over $30. I had a choice, obviously. I could have said no and walked out. I could have told him to take off the drinks and cookies and one of the $8 salads or get a cheese pizza rather than a specialty or take off the energy drink (he said it was for the vitamins because he got blackouts/epilepsy/seizures--he wasn't sure which--because of vitamin deficiency; third-ish warning bell goes off in my head). I could have done a lot of things, but I just looked at him and said, "You'll be extra grateful, yes?" He nodded. (Another warning bell goes off, though, I'm not sure why.)

So I paid and with many "God bless yous" exchanged, I walked out and back to my car to drive home.

You know, I'd like to think I did this all out of the goodness of my heart and I feel good about it and all that, but I feel very conflicted. One part of me wonders if I was taken advantage of (something I'm particularly tender about at the moment) and another part of me cringes at the lost $30 (I'm a poor college student who might be jobless this summer) and another part of me is grateful that I could offer something meaningful to two unfortunate people. And another part of me (boy, there are a lot of parts of me) keeps thinking about King Benjamin (Mosiah 4):

11And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.

12And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

13And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably, and to render to every man according to that which is his due.

16And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

17Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

18But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

19For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

20And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a remission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his Spirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with joy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.

21And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.

22And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

23I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world.

24And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your hearts that: I give not because I have not, but if I had I would give.

25And now, if ye say this in your hearts ye remain guiltless, otherwise ye are condemned; and your condemnation is just for ye covet that which ye have not received.

26And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God—I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.

27And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

I've always considered myself a part of the group mentioned in 24/25, because I consider myself poor (I'm not quite official poverty level, but I'm close). But I could definitely be poorer. I donate money regularly to various organizations, but I also like to help out people I come in contact with. I primarily donate time, since I have more of that than money. So, I like to think I'm following King Benjamin's counsel about giving to the poor. But most of the people I help I never see, so what about the beggar I see and the one that offers up a petition to me?

How, indeed, can I judge the people I helped the other day? I don't know their circumstances; I don't know if everything the guy said is true and the warning bells were just my suspicious mind. Anyways, what right do I have to judge? So what if I was merciful to them and they didn't deserve it? Is it fair that mercy can only come to those who are in destitute circumstances? Doesn't it make more sense to extend mercy before destitution? Really, what does it mean to "deserve" mercy?

Am I not a beggar? I plead with God, my Father in Heaven, every day to watch over me. I plead for His guidance. I plead for His forgiveness. I plead with Him to make sure I always have a roof over my head and food in my fridge. All that I have is His. So how can I not give, even if I am giving to a con artist taking advantage of me?

Do I deserve the mercy I have received from God? Well, no! None of us do. Mercy is not something we "deserve." I love this definition: "Mercy is the compassionate treatment of a person greater than what is deserved, and it is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Our Heavenly Father knows our weaknesses and sins. He shows mercy when He forgives us of our sins and helps us return to dwell in His presence" (lds.org). So, if I am trying to be like Christ, then I should have mercy for all around me.

At the same time, I have always loved verse 27. To me it says, do what you can, do something, but don't worry about solving the world's problems. Do what you can in your sphere of influence.

Was $30 too much? Probably. Was it unwise? Maybe. Was it worth it?